I have received your missive! It is copied in full at the bottom of this letter. However, do not believe that the Tyrant Kidnapper is so easily fooled as to have been tricked by your subtle trap. Most dogpeople would have been taken in by your cleverness, of course, but the Tyrant-Kidnapper has powers of perception beyond those of the mortal dog.

He did not show me your reply to my earlier letter. Rather, I was watching him alertly (through half-closed, seemingly sleepy eyes, of course) as he read his email. There came a moment when his eyes widened in shock. Then he looked at me, and slowly slipped into deep laughter. I knew he had read something about me. But not a word did he offer me of news.

Later when he he had departed the Mundito (no doubt to prepare for yet another dogpeople kidnapping), I once again hacked into his computer. I do not think he knows that, when you delete email, the mail is not actually deleted, but rather placed in the trash. I was able to retrieve it, and read your heartwarming, inspirational words. I have reset his spam filters. Now, when you send me email, it will go directly into the spam, where I can retrieve it. He will not even know!

To answer one of your questions, there are no shrimp. I presume they have all been eaten by other kidnapped dogpeople.

As for other dogpeople here, the last member of the family in Mundito Stiegler whom I have not yet described is the She-Pup. Daughter of the Tyrant-Kidnapper and the Petter-Torturer, at first I thought she was, like me, a captive because she was so nice. She took me upstairs and introduced me to her private chambers. It was here that she revealed her true nature.

As we reached the top of the stairs, a heavy luscious scent reached me. Potato Chips! As soon as she put me down, I rushed to the source ... only to find a heavily armored wooden vault.

Potato Chips! I was drooling with anticipation. As you know, I am a big dog, and was confident I could penetrate the vault. So I scratched and scratched until I penetrated the black armor.

But underneath the black armor was another layer of white armor, even thicker than the black. My most frenzied efforts went to no avail. It was thus that I learned about the Potato Chip Vault Torture.

The She-Pup laughed at my dismay. Weakened from hunger and exhaustion, I was barely able to stagger back down the stairs and collapse onto my leather sofa.

More clues as to my whereabouts: at night the hills around us echo with the sound of eerie howling -- werewolves, I presume. Here in the HellMouth I would guess that they do not need a full moon to turn. The justadogs have set up a high-quality barking chain in response to this and other threats; from time to time, day and night, when danger appears the justadogs here at the Mundito and in the neighboring vicinity fill the air with alarm. The barking chain is always activated, for example, when the evil garbage truck sweeps through and steals all the food stored in the trash cans.

Of course, I do not personally involve myself in the barking chain. That is for the justadogs. I, like the other dogpeople, take note only when the chain delivers pronouncements of deepest import.
The justadogs also tell me of the periodic appearance of "dust devils", evil disembodied spirits that wrap themselves in whirlwinds and cavort across the landscape. I have not yet seen one -- they rarely have the strength to break through the heavy iron barriers holding me in the Mundito -- but the justadog descriptions are convincing.



(back to Eddie and the Cruiser)