Pauvre Eduardo,
I am sending this message in code to fool the alien abductors. Stay strong. Rescue is at hand. From your description it sounds like you are near the equator. Do the night noises sound like ocean waves? Could the barking really be from those slimy backed, web footed, mustachioed galoomphers that inhabit the water?
I have contacted the Army, and they are sending a C5 transport plane to Curacao as we speak. It is laden with potato chips, and other such necessities of life. We will find you and appropriately chastise the perps who did this to you!
By the way, beware of the Tyrant Kidnapper's diarrhea special!
We will continue to monitor any news from you to give us further clues as to your specific whereabouts.
---Lilitude and friends